So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If I die, sorry about rent.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
