He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
