just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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