I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
