we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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