what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
