you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
