Are we in a gay sports bar?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
