I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
