I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
