actually, I'm a sock model
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
