Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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