I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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