You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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