jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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