and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
And then he peed in my hair
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