I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I have tasted many bathrooms
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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