so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
