when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
