just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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