I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
