Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
