In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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