He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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