he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
