cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
