Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
