yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
