Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
