She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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