Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
