I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
