It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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