Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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