The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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