a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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