haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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