So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
