Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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