I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
