I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
