I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
