Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
