u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
