I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
