its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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