Where is the hickey?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
