She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
