me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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