I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I didn't notice because vodka
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
