dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
