Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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