Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
