No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
