then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
