Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
