good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
