Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
